Penning this down with the heaviest heart...

Penning this down with all the "cant bear" in my mind...

I just wana pen down the last before it all ended...



I miss him... badly and everyone close to me knows it... I thought i will be able to let go, but i was wrong, when he plead, when he says "Baby, i really love you", i surrender... and I am now telling myself i wont surrender anymore... I am a weakling, and I am not a strong person when people thought that I am one... he told me the reason why he chosen her...



He says i am agressive, while she is the xiao nu ren...

He says whenever we go out, he feels fear but while with her, he feels like protecting her...

He says reason that he wanted me to stay because he "bu she de", not because his heart still belongs to me... basically, i am sharing...

But he said, he only likes her, but he loves me...



Because of you love me, Ive decided to leave... to somewhere far from u!



I didnt know I am such a lousy gf... that after doing everything, I still cant be compared to someone who he just know for less then a year... in the past, I gave him all the chances and time that he need... even after he flirt and sleep around with different people, he told me the one who he realise treat him the best is me, i still let him have the chance.. because I believe, I believe that one day, he will be good.. only to realise, i am deceiving myself...



I dun deny im very possessive, i tied him down... for the fear that if i dun control, i will lose him... but it all backfire... the problem between us is trust! I love him, but i dun trust him at all..



May the new girl in ur life love u more and trust u... but one thing u shall never do anymore, that is to flirt, no girls will be like me to wait and give so many chances... treasure people around u and not take anyone for granted...



I have decided to let go totally and leave! When u miss me, call out "Baby, i need u!" and I will give u strength... Jiayou my babi, my dearie bear...



Remember our song - WOULD YOU BE THERE

Remember our rayson

Remember our date - 31Dec2006

Remember my smile

Remember me! Keep me close to ur heart! Thank you for teaching me how to love and sacrifice selflessly for the past three years...

Why is it so hard just to stay faithful?

Why is it so hard just to not lie?

Why is it so hard just to keep one person by your side and love her wholeheartedly?

Just my thoughts when I ponder into my three years "failed" relationship.....

Went to catch 2012 with Mei, Lu and Edmund and it was awesome.. its kinda scary that the world is coming to an end and how much can one be cruel thinking for himself/herself just to survve... I thought of him, yes him that will he be like the rich man, at the verge of death, the one he thought of is me even thou he has so many other women??? *sigh* Its nice catching up with pals and knowing that no matter what, they will held on tight to u and not let u dwell alone.. thks to Mei and Lu, when they will say, what are friends for?! heh...

Met up with Nurjiah and we have a long chat while enjoying our usual pizza hut... its nice to catch up... i miss all my friends...

Miss bowling, looking forward to the next bowling session with Mutalib, Aisah, William, Firdaus, WeiZhi, Quek and maybe Kelvin, if he will come...

Having family gathering to celebrate daddy belated bday... woohoo, it will be fun coz the LEEs will be wearing same tee... it sure look fun... and er gu are thinking of getting the same tee for the junior LEEs as well... hahah.. photos to be up the next post...

Just reached home after outing with Mei and Lu... Thanks them for being there.. wanted to cry but they prevent me from crying but making me laugh.. but end of the day, i still cried when otw back.. feel like hearing his voice.. so much.. even just awhile.. but didnt... I miss him, badly, still!

I really am lousy.. i know.. but im trying my best to get out from these.. gimme some time...

*swollen eyes*

Disappointed coz K cancelled the outing tonite as he got something on! But guess its ok coz even if go tonite, he is having course tmr and it will be tiring for him!

Don't know what is the reason, I sobbed ytrday! Badly that I needed someone by my side! I felt loss! Neglected! Abandoned! Why a three years relationship can just end like that! He is mine for three years, how come he suddenly because hers... And he can find someone and be with her so easily without even thinking for my feelings! I make a gift, I planned the day! But it will never be fulfil! I feel sad! Alot of you will say i am silly, but I aint no feeling, it is a three years relationship!!! He told me if i go back to him, he will get rid of her... i wanted to... so much... but when i told him so, he state he needed time... how about me? isit fair?

And I ponder, if going out with K will be unfair for him coz it might really be a rebound relationship! And they(people who know both me and K) told me to think carefully, he is hurt once, dun make him disappointed another time, it will be unfair for him if he is just a replacement..

I miss him! Yes I do! And everytime when I thought of the photo they took, my eyes are filled with tears, I CANT CONTROL!!!

I am hurt! I am in PAIN! I am defeated! Totally! Why after I did so much, sacrifice so much, I still lost him...

I really miss U! I wan to cry! And K last min canot makes me feel so empty.. but i dare not tell him thru the phone or sms... dun wan him to come over for me if he reali am held up...

Sorry K!

Dun really feel good when HE told me that HE truly loves me... coz if its love, why there is other girls time and time again! Love? A four letter word to you... despite me doing so much and sacrificing so much, I got all the pain! To myself! Gera is in a better position, at least HE broke up with her three mths later den date me, but we have just ended a three years rs, he went dating with that bitch few days later... LOVE!!! A joke!

Just reached home after a heart to heart chat with Baobei Adeline and earlier on met Muthu for awhile... thanks my friends for being around...u both are awesome!!! I am sure of what I want now more and I will be strong... I will move on...

Its a fun day of outing with the little cutie and K! Thanks for making my day! And the little cutie dun wan to part with me when im leaving... its like a family watching movie together... I heart the feeling! Forgot to bring camera if not sure take alot of photo... Astroboy is a touching movie... go watch it! I heart carrying little cutie and he rest on my shoulder... i heart chasing him around and tickling him... hehe... K says the next will be christmas carol... where this time round???

And its mon!!! I am looking forward to the drive up to Msia again with u on tues... This time where u wana bring me? I wana eat the mushroom u prepare!!! :) TUES FASTER COME!!! I wana sit beside u when u drive 140km/h! I HEARTS!!!!

WOW!!! She calls me a bitch when she is the one herself! I have officially broken up with that bastard on 5Nov2009 when u both are together since 24Sept2009? The pot calling the kettle black??? She calls me the silly one when she is the one herself. Who's the pathetic one, your boyfriend smsing his ex girlfriend almost daily to say "I really loves you baby, i really want your reply and I miss you baby!"... Look whos talking? Oh if i am the neurotic one, perhaps he is the one who is neurotic! Happy now? Perhaps, we shall see! And your "claim" boyfriend told me that if i go back to him, he will get rid of u.. who is the pathetic one??? *BITCH*

It all just sucks!

Fucker! U are a FUCKER!!! *puke*

I heart dating a policeman! I heart the shyness and awkwardness when we see each other at work! I heart sitting inside his car while he drift and drive at 140km/h! I heart looking forward to night shift when he is working and seeing him with a smile! I heart it when he brings me out for night drive and makan session in JB! I heart him listening to my grumble and then make me laugh at the jokes he make! I heart him finishing the drink I prepared for him! I heart when he waited for me without complaining! I heart him when he is afraid im cold and he is persiring himself *Silly*! I heart him making sure that I dun go meet my friends when im empty stomach! CONCLUSION, I HEART HIM!!! Going for astroboy with him and little one at Vivo... hope little one will make me smile!

K is so much much better! Furthermore, U are the one who fault me from the beginning, and u have the face to go around telling people its my fault!

Went shopping with Jiah for the whole day and spent a hundred bucks with just three hours... confirm kena nag by K!! IMISSU!!! Havent seen you for three days liao! IMISSU!!! Looking forward to our next trip over and also u bringing me for all the nice food...

He (Ray Zheng RuiXing) is a bastard lor... keep msging me every now and then telling me miss me, apologise, wan me reply etcetc, when he is alrdy having another woman... my day always am fine but once his msg came, it spoilt my day! It totally sucks! Please just leave me alone! You SUCKS!!!

Hope tmr meeting K and he can listen to me grumble again, dun treat me like that bastard does if not I will be very sad orh... but i believe u wont... *hugs*

Little mischievious BenBen

Had a fun time with my mates and im simply more and more in love with the lil one... and for those who does not know who is he, his name is benben... SO CUTE!!! I asked if he remember me, and he replied... "I know you are that auntie who buy the cheese biscuit for me, and you drive a yellow car with winnie the pooh, i like u..."... goodness... he is so cute... that was like few weeks ago and he remember... and he stick with me when at npc just now almost everywhere i go... loves him tons.. hehe... so cute... and when he is leaving with, he hold my hands and dun wana let go... so adorable... im so in love with this little boy... hehe... looking forward to bringing him out!!! I wana get toys for him... first time see me like guai guai, today only 2nd time and he is so hyperactive... hope next time when we go out, bring him along and he will definately add to the fun!!!!! Gdnite peers... finally going to rest... went outing with K ytrday till 2am and i havent had a gd sleep... looking forward to our next outing... hehe

I miss him.. and I dont deny that... told mummy just now that I somehow miss him even thou we have broken up, kena nag by her and she even wanted to confiscate my mobile phone.. cute and funny mummy... after all, we have been together for three years.. although there are times we quarrel badly, but he is a boyfriend who has been by my side for three years.. silly i know.. but cant help...

If K were to know, he will surely be disappointed.. and mummy was like asking me to go out with K more so i wont think of Ray.. ok i will... being with K makes me happy and he is just full of jokes.. having common topics make things even easier when we converse.. wish everything will turn out well...

Looking forward to the road trip u mention, looking forward to tasting all the good food with u, looking forward to so many many things... love the smile and awkward when we see each other at wrk.. hehe

A blessing in disguise!

He has finally stopped! And I wana thank you for finally stopping to sms me... I knew it.. that he will never persist... coz he don't love me from the start... I persist that I am just a passerby to his life... for he is a materialistic man while im those who wanted a simple and contented life...

Have been close to this particular someone lately, and i seriously wana thank him for being with me for the past one month when all thing just sucks!!! Thanks K! People have been asking... and I would only say, "He is a policeman", and I will maintain my stand... he is just another policeman...

Thanks for the night drive, letting me cry, letting me grumble, letting me nag and letting me feel comfortable... I appreciate all that you have done... even if it is just a "Mei Li De Wu Hui"... I am glad to have you around... and thanks for wanting me to think carefully, I will... because I dun wan to treat you as a float as well... for u r too nice a person...

And my dearest xinyi is back... I wana meet u up real soon!!! I MISS U!!!!