Penning this down with the heaviest heart...

Penning this down with all the "cant bear" in my mind...

I just wana pen down the last before it all ended...



I miss him... badly and everyone close to me knows it... I thought i will be able to let go, but i was wrong, when he plead, when he says "Baby, i really love you", i surrender... and I am now telling myself i wont surrender anymore... I am a weakling, and I am not a strong person when people thought that I am one... he told me the reason why he chosen her...



He says i am agressive, while she is the xiao nu ren...

He says whenever we go out, he feels fear but while with her, he feels like protecting her...

He says reason that he wanted me to stay because he "bu she de", not because his heart still belongs to me... basically, i am sharing...

But he said, he only likes her, but he loves me...



Because of you love me, Ive decided to leave... to somewhere far from u!



I didnt know I am such a lousy gf... that after doing everything, I still cant be compared to someone who he just know for less then a year... in the past, I gave him all the chances and time that he need... even after he flirt and sleep around with different people, he told me the one who he realise treat him the best is me, i still let him have the chance.. because I believe, I believe that one day, he will be good.. only to realise, i am deceiving myself...



I dun deny im very possessive, i tied him down... for the fear that if i dun control, i will lose him... but it all backfire... the problem between us is trust! I love him, but i dun trust him at all..



May the new girl in ur life love u more and trust u... but one thing u shall never do anymore, that is to flirt, no girls will be like me to wait and give so many chances... treasure people around u and not take anyone for granted...



I have decided to let go totally and leave! When u miss me, call out "Baby, i need u!" and I will give u strength... Jiayou my babi, my dearie bear...



Remember our song - WOULD YOU BE THERE

Remember our rayson

Remember our date - 31Dec2006

Remember my smile

Remember me! Keep me close to ur heart! Thank you for teaching me how to love and sacrifice selflessly for the past three years...

Why is it so hard just to stay faithful?

Why is it so hard just to not lie?

Why is it so hard just to keep one person by your side and love her wholeheartedly?

Just my thoughts when I ponder into my three years "failed" relationship.....

Went to catch 2012 with Mei, Lu and Edmund and it was awesome.. its kinda scary that the world is coming to an end and how much can one be cruel thinking for himself/herself just to survve... I thought of him, yes him that will he be like the rich man, at the verge of death, the one he thought of is me even thou he has so many other women??? *sigh* Its nice catching up with pals and knowing that no matter what, they will held on tight to u and not let u dwell alone.. thks to Mei and Lu, when they will say, what are friends for?! heh...

Met up with Nurjiah and we have a long chat while enjoying our usual pizza hut... its nice to catch up... i miss all my friends...

Miss bowling, looking forward to the next bowling session with Mutalib, Aisah, William, Firdaus, WeiZhi, Quek and maybe Kelvin, if he will come...

Having family gathering to celebrate daddy belated bday... woohoo, it will be fun coz the LEEs will be wearing same tee... it sure look fun... and er gu are thinking of getting the same tee for the junior LEEs as well... hahah.. photos to be up the next post...

Just reached home after outing with Mei and Lu... Thanks them for being there.. wanted to cry but they prevent me from crying but making me laugh.. but end of the day, i still cried when otw back.. feel like hearing his voice.. so much.. even just awhile.. but didnt... I miss him, badly, still!

I really am lousy.. i know.. but im trying my best to get out from these.. gimme some time...

*swollen eyes*

Disappointed coz K cancelled the outing tonite as he got something on! But guess its ok coz even if go tonite, he is having course tmr and it will be tiring for him!

Don't know what is the reason, I sobbed ytrday! Badly that I needed someone by my side! I felt loss! Neglected! Abandoned! Why a three years relationship can just end like that! He is mine for three years, how come he suddenly because hers... And he can find someone and be with her so easily without even thinking for my feelings! I make a gift, I planned the day! But it will never be fulfil! I feel sad! Alot of you will say i am silly, but I aint no feeling, it is a three years relationship!!! He told me if i go back to him, he will get rid of her... i wanted to... so much... but when i told him so, he state he needed time... how about me? isit fair?

And I ponder, if going out with K will be unfair for him coz it might really be a rebound relationship! And they(people who know both me and K) told me to think carefully, he is hurt once, dun make him disappointed another time, it will be unfair for him if he is just a replacement..

I miss him! Yes I do! And everytime when I thought of the photo they took, my eyes are filled with tears, I CANT CONTROL!!!

I am hurt! I am in PAIN! I am defeated! Totally! Why after I did so much, sacrifice so much, I still lost him...

I really miss U! I wan to cry! And K last min canot makes me feel so empty.. but i dare not tell him thru the phone or sms... dun wan him to come over for me if he reali am held up...

Sorry K!

Dun really feel good when HE told me that HE truly loves me... coz if its love, why there is other girls time and time again! Love? A four letter word to you... despite me doing so much and sacrificing so much, I got all the pain! To myself! Gera is in a better position, at least HE broke up with her three mths later den date me, but we have just ended a three years rs, he went dating with that bitch few days later... LOVE!!! A joke!

Just reached home after a heart to heart chat with Baobei Adeline and earlier on met Muthu for awhile... thanks my friends for being around...u both are awesome!!! I am sure of what I want now more and I will be strong... I will move on...

Its a fun day of outing with the little cutie and K! Thanks for making my day! And the little cutie dun wan to part with me when im leaving... its like a family watching movie together... I heart the feeling! Forgot to bring camera if not sure take alot of photo... Astroboy is a touching movie... go watch it! I heart carrying little cutie and he rest on my shoulder... i heart chasing him around and tickling him... hehe... K says the next will be christmas carol... where this time round???

And its mon!!! I am looking forward to the drive up to Msia again with u on tues... This time where u wana bring me? I wana eat the mushroom u prepare!!! :) TUES FASTER COME!!! I wana sit beside u when u drive 140km/h! I HEARTS!!!!